Furious Rabbit

April 4, 2013 § 11 Comments

The furious rabbit has been rattling its cage today. It is carrying out its usual business of tearing up the inside of my heart, lungs, and stomach. It runs its path of busy, futile escape again and again.

The furious rabbit is my anxiety and I am its helpless pet. I didn’t realize this comparison until a friend admitted his anxiety to me the other day and I said, without thinking first, “Oh yes, I know, it’s the furious rabbit”. As the recognition spread across his face, I realized that this simile had been a secret I didn’t know I was keeping. I had given my demon a face, some fur and some really long ears. The furious rabbit is just an innocent being born from all the goodness in humanity but because it has lived so long trapped inside my body, it has eaten holes in my insides and started gnawing on my system wires, growing too large for its cage and scratching and scrambling for a way out. It senses that it will never be free and this tiny flame of knowledge ignites a fire in its feet. Furious furious rabbit churning me into a storm of fear and paranoia. Settle down you touched fucking creature. Let me sleep and breathe and smile like the others.

And then I went to yoga. « Read the rest of this entry »

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The bird likes me

January 20, 2010 § 5 Comments

This morning I faced a long day at work in heels. Clip-pity clop-pity, there I was, ready to tackle a day full of meetings and checklists. It was rather sunny for a January morning in this city, and I was trying not to be grumpy for no good reason at all. I am going to admit here, I always feel exposed, awkward, and highly unattractive when I wear heels before dusk. I am more of a feet on the ground type of gal. Heels in new daylight feels like I am walking home after a one-night stand.

I decided to treat myself to a large americano from this place slightly off my usual path; caffeine can help inspire energy when presenting to a sea of disinterested professionals. Although I wanted to dodge across the street – I risked being almost late – there is no dodging in a heeled shoe. One must clip and clop along. Seen by everyone, noticed by no one.

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